A Boarding School Wish

Haiti is experiencing a pandemic of orphanages.  While exact numbers are difficult to establish, the estimates reach hundreds of thousands. And those children are generally not orphans. They have living, healthy parents who send them to the orphanages. (I have seen a mother and father, two young parents, accompanied by some other family members, pray for their new born baby, right before “giving” it to an American who runs a Port-au-Prince orphanage. That American believed she was doing the Lord’s work.)

That is called child abandonment. It is irresponsible parental behavior. And it ought to be illegal.

But those parents are not just irresponsible. They are also tired, hungry, scared and uninformed. They do not know that children need their parents almost as much as they need oxygen. They haven’t read the latest theories of personal virtues. They cannot listen to Focus on the Family. They have not heard of Dr. Seuss. They do not have hot showers or televisions. They must wait for the cover of night to relieve themselves under the stars.

While struggling to feed their children and themselves, they are told of a place, operated by a “blan,” that offers three meals a day, clothing, schooling, running water, electricity, American visitors, Christmas gifts, etc. So they reason: why not send my kid there, thereby assuring that she is taken care of, and that I am free of her (maybe to make more babies?).  When she grows up, she can take care of me.  If she is adopted out of the country, even better: I will have a kid in the US, and some day, she will come back, bring me goodies, even take care of me.

Theirs is the perspective of a sinking Titanic. Anyone on a life boat will do.

It is not to defend those parents. It bears repeating: they are irresponsible. But what are the excuses of the orphanage masters who know that Haiti is not the Titanic?

The simple and most oft-given answer is that they want to “help.” They see these poor Haitian children and are prompted (by the Holy Spirit no less!) to come take care of them.

So let’s assume that they do want to help. That simple fact does not explain why parents must be eviscerated. Surely God does not require that parents be sidelined in order for their children to eat.

So a very interesting question is why so many who would help Haitian children first require that they be separated from family, kept in parent-free houses.

Those who would help poor Haitian children must understand that they come, except in the rarest cases, with strings attached, called parents. Those parents are adults. They have every right and obligation to control their children’s environment: food they eat, medication they take, clothes they wear, schools they attend, stories they are told, friends they make.  We must all avoid weakening that bond, even if poor parents would not fulfill their duty.

Haiti needs a genuine “family reunification” initiative, one based on this most commonsensical truth: children need their mom and dad. Orphanages represent a wretchedly poor substitute. 

So the next time the topic rises, consider the sacredness of the parent-child bond. If working with the parents of those poor children seems overwhelming (and isn’t it always), then please say the following:
           

For the love of God and of poor Haitian children, let’s have a boarding school, not an orphanage.  The children can go home every week-end or at least for summer and other vacations. That way, we can help them without substituting ourselves for their parents, without dividing their family.