Reasonable Inertia

There is so much I think about doing, so much I could do: start a business, quit my job, get serious about writing, become my husband’s assistant for things I wish to see him accomplish (not to be confused with being his office manager who is very good at her job), etc.  Haiti is the Great Muse: it provides an idea a minute. Yet, I wait. I think. I talk. And I wait still.

Someone asked me once, “How do you think God sees you?” Within a few minutes, I knew the answer: as a child who complains about being bored but will not get off the couch and go play outside, even though the weather is nice.

How pathetic.

Except, that inertia is not out of laziness, but rather out of fear, the kind of fear that my middle-class parents worked very hard to instill in their children: “consider the consequences.” I did not always listen, but now I am thinking about it. 

Suppose I quit my job, out of some sense of wanting to be “authentic” or wanting to pursue my “passion” but do not make money in the new activities. What will I do when a child calls home, needing money for deposit on some wonderful academic trip? Or the car clutch goes out. Or, simply, EdH must be paid. 

When confronted with happy testimonials about women who “followed their dreams,” I generally celebrate their courage. It is good that many are brave and rewarded for it. I imagine what Haiti might look like if more of us were courageous.

And then I remember that inverter batteries are needed. I remember and whimper, “Oh yes, passions will have to wait a bit longer.”